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I recently interviewed a client about leaving codependency behind. She graciously agreed to share her process with Turning Point readers. Here's what she had to say:
I’ve made the decision to put my heart and soul first in my life. I want to value myself and respect my existence.
I’m working on a new planting ground. I’ve taken out the weeds, added the fertilizer and now have new Earth. She recently asked what I want to plant in this ground. Well, I don’t really know. Honestly, I never thought I could grow the things I want. I’ve
always just reacted to life, letting the weeds pop up here and there and everywhere.
So as I think of what I might plant, I start a list in my head: I want to feel healthy, I want to feel peace and tranquility. I want calm to exude through my presence. As I make my list, I recognize my co-dependent head wanting to take charge. It says, "If I want to be healthy then I must exercise and lose weight." There goes my co-dependent head again.
The co-dependent side of me urges me to follow a rigid diet and push myself to the extreme in an exercise program. Then, I can check that “healthy” box off the list. But, this doesn’t feel right. It feels like every other self-help-fix-it plan I’ve done all my life. I recognize this is my normal mode of operation. Have a problem? Fix it with a plan.
There’s nothing wrong with a plan of attack but, for me, it seems that I get lost in the execution or rigidity of the plan rather than doing the plan as a result of making a conscious decision. My co-dependent behavior is working the plan, working the plan and
working the plan so that soon, I can check the box. It means I will work till exhaustion and hate everything!
At this point, I can recognize when I get into the pattern of doing something primarily to gain recognition and acceptance. Its when I recognize I’m having the need to feel loved. This was how I survived in the past. But, it doesn’t work for me now. I want my health, peace and tranquility to be a result of the decisions I’ve made. Decisions that put me first rather than decisions others have made about what would make me loveable to them.
So now that I know I have this co-dependent head talking to me, I can recognize it, call it out then move on. I want health in my garden!
If you have examples of letting go of co-depedent thinking, feeling and behaving and want to share, please feel free to email me your content and I'll be happy to make it happen.
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